Wednesday, January 30, 2013

And Now A PSA. Also a PSA: Delta Airlines Sucks Ass Cheeze.

So, Delta Skymiles was all, like, "Hey Leslie, you have 6000 crappy, useless points with us that will never amount to anything because you avoid our airlines like the plague with total good reason!"

And I was all, like, "Huh? How did I get even that many miles with you douchebags?"

And they were all, like, "I know, right? Must've been from the time you got stuck waiting in line to check in because we were too busy gossiping about the manager and so you missed last call check in by literally FOUR minutes and we wouldn't do anything to help you so you ended up missing your flight, almost having to pay an extra $400 to rebook, AND having to spend the night sleeping in the lounge area of the airport with a bunch of people inexplicably wearing surgical masks but not deodorant. Anyway, valued customer, so that we can speed along the termination of our relationship like an ugly divorce, why don't you just spend your pathetic amount of mileage on a bunch of magazines that you don't need and we can try to call it quitsies 4-evahs?"

Then I was all, like, "Sure, if it means you will go to hell and stay there all day."

But then they were, like, "Well, no, we've got a shitty airline to run and millions more customers to make miserable, so while we're busy manufacturing hell for travelers, unfortunately we can't actually just go there ourselves, no matter how much we deserve to. So just get the damn mags or we will keep killing trees uselessly and sending you these irritating mailers, ad nauseum, recommending that you do."

So I was TOTALLY, like, "Fine, you jackholes. Die a painful, abscess-filled death and also send me the following..."

Up for grabs: recent issues of People Magazine, Glamour, InStyle, Entertainment Weekly, and Martha Stewart Living. Um, except for the one with Ryan Gosling. I should probably hang on to that one for a while. Or forever. ("Hey Boooy...")

Ultimately, I got a bunch of magazines that take me 20 minutes apiece to read and now I have an f-ton of them, sitting sadly, waiting to be recycled. Unless someone in the Seattle area knows of somewhere I can donate them? Which I would happily do because I know that I hate going to <insert office here> and having only "Sweatpants Monthly," "Potato News," and "Golf Digest" -- all from three year ago -- to read.

I'd also take recommendations as to where I should look into donating them. 

BTW, have I mentioned that Delta Airlines (slogan: "Ready To Screw Your Day No Matter Where You Are") can SUCKIT?!? Bastages.//

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