Friday, July 13, 2012

How A Slurpee Made Me Jackhole Of The Day. Damn Slurpees. They Should Be Called "Sloppees." (You're Welcome, 7-11 Marketing Peeps.)

Number Of People I've Interacted With Today (Other Than The Limey): 1

Number Of People I've Managed To Piss Off Today (Other Than The Limey): 1

So, two of us up here in the Pacific Northwest had a bad  7-11 day today: Me and the Grumpy 7-11 Clerk. 

It started out AWESOME. My local 7-11/bank actually featured a sugar-free Slurpee today -- el yay! But then it all went downhill from there, as the Grumpy 7-11 clerk -- who clearly did not share my enthusiasm for the rare, non-mango-flavored, sugar-free Slurpee -- had to be a jerkface and ruin my Slurptastic mood just because A) I accidentally gave him soggy, Slurpee-covered lottery slips, which clearly indicated that I was an evil, puppy-killing machine because now he had to input the numbers by hand and 2) I then spilled said Slurpee on his counter and stared wildly at the mess, torn between running off to find paper towels to clean it up, and leaving my spot in line thus leaving my lottery tickets -- and Slurpee -- unattended. 

You know, in my defense, I didn't even realize that the lottery slips were covered in Slurpee when I handed them to him. He didn't really say anything about them until he grumbled that he had to input the numbers manually. I offered to redo the slips, but he was all, "Why do you come here? You are an evil puppy-killing machine and I hate you!" <-- Okay, he didn't actually say these words, but he did loudly emote that at me

He's a mean jerkface.

Also, I wouldn't have spilled my Slurpee in the first place if I wasn't so pathetically clumsy they didn't make the straws so damn hard to open! Which is how I accidentally elbowed my Slurpee and knocked it over onto his counter. I mean, really? Why the need to hermetically seal the straws in vulcanized plastic? Just because they have spoony ends? Does this make them rare and exotic tools of civilization??

The offending Slurpee with exotic-tool-of-civilization-spoony-end. Which I sometimes find works better THE OTHER WAY. (Hear that, Mean Jerkface 7-11 Clerk?!?)

The first time I bought lottery tickets there, I promised him that if I won big, I'd get him something nice. This time, he didn't even wish me good luck, as he usually does. So that, plus today's bad attitude means I get to go back on that promise. Anyway, that promise only applied to that first time, which I did not win, thank you very nothing.

He's going to be SO sorry when I win the jackpot and the dry cleaning guys next door get, like, Ferraris from me and he gets nothing. Except more Slurpee on his counter and that time, it will be the full-sugar kind. 'Cause I am a vengeful Imp. So there.

     "Yay me!" - Inner Imp

Sigh. //


  1. I declare that slurpee must be spilled on this man's counter every day! Every Day!!! And it doesn't have be be your own slurpee... Knock other people's slurpees over too... Knock over ALL the slurpees! Crap... Knock over the whole damned machine, for good measure!

  2. We declare Slurpee Anarchy!!

    Excellent. Me rikey your style, Kimberly Warren. Rikey, a rot.