Tuesday, July 17, 2012

UPDATED: I Swear I’m Not Phoning In This Post—I REALLY Am All Dorky-Excited!! Also, Albanian Hackers Must Have Seriously Low Standards.

So, again, I was looking at my stats page because I am narcissistic and neurotic like that. The Audience page is my favorite because the one thing for which I truly love Teh Interwebs is the ability to connect with people all around the world fairly easily.

Look, you’re reading the musings of the dork whose idea of a fun time during her youth was to peruse the “Pen Pals Wanted” sections of magazines. The thought of making a friend anywhere in the world and via just my words always seemed so awesome-making!

Oh, and FYI, as a kid, I read mostly youth-oriented-type magazines. Thank gawds, or this would be a waaaaay different kinda "blog." If you know what I mean!

     “No, nobody ever knows what you mean. Dork.”

     “O.D. on cranky pills much, Inner Imp?”

     “Um, ‘dork’ was your word choice. Also, you do realize that you are talking to a fictional manifestation of yourself, right?”



I also read a lot of National Geographic, but that’s because for, like 30 years, a good friend of my Dad bought our family a yearly subscription for Christmas. I know, right? What a seriously classy gift! (Mahalo mucho, Miles!) <-- See what I did there? International alliteration. I’m so cosmopolitan. Fukkyeah! 

As it turned out, I did make one lasting pen pal, (Hi Nikki, 31 years and counting!) with a girl from Wales which seemed, like, the most exotic place ever! (Says the girl who, although her father worked for an international airlines for over 30 years and could take the family anywhere in the world for free, never traveled outside of North America until she was in HER. FREAKIN’. THIRTIES (30s). <-- BOOHISS x a google-the-number!)

So yeah, I dig the thought of connecting with people all over the world. Even if you’re just some Albanian hacker trying to get to my fortunes, that’s still kinda-sorta neato. [BWAH-HAHAHA! My fortunes. Note to Albanian hackers—it’s so NOT worth hijacking my identity, you won’t even be able to get credit for a bad joke.]

Here are the areas that Blogger tells me I have pageviewers:

Yes, I know I’ve used this picture before. But it had much less green then and green is the new—OMIGAWDS LOOKY I’M SO POPULAR!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahem.

In all honesty, I really don’t know what “Pageviews by Countries” means in terms of, well, anything significant. I just know that someone in these countries has looked my blog. Well, I think that’s what it mean. So even though this tells me someone has looked at this blog but not necessarily read it, I still feel that I should be a polite hostess and at least give you, my International Pageviewer, something to read, because I think it would be rude to assume you read English. Although chances are, you probably read at least some whilst I am pretty illiterate in everything but. Also, this is more or less where my language hospitality will likely end because sadly, English is the only language I can write in...not even well and just barely, at that. 

But for now, I would like to just say to the...

Russians: Privet!

Canadians: Hi, eh? / Bonjour, eh?

Germans: Guten tag!

United Kingdom-ians: How ya doin’, mate? (Please address disagreements on this to The Limey.)

French: Bonjour!

Irish: Dia dhuit!

Cambodians: Joom reab suor!

South Koreans: Ahnyong!

Dutch (Netherlands): Goeiendag!

And last but not least...

Americans: Hi! / Hey! / Howdy! / Yo! / Aloha! / Howzit? / Alianaiq! / iHola! / 
‘Sup bee-yotches?

Spangles courtesy of my two little nieces, a trip to the craft store, and an f-ton of sugar. I'm such a good auntie. Also, I just realized that I put the apostrophe in "ever'body" in the wrong place. Oops.

Gawds, I love Teh Interwebs.

Again, sorry, but that’s pretty much all the International-language blogging I can do. Unless I do a blog post of just foods and swear words, in which case, I could probably do about 12 other posts.

(I used to work at a language school, where I got free tuition but all I ever learned was the important stuff: foods and swear words. Oh and “Where is the beer?/Where is the toilet?” Of course. So if you ever need to pay someone to create a manual on those topics, I’m your girl. Yes, I’m talking to YOULONELY PLANET / FROMMER’S / FODOR’S! You should be so lucky.)

P.S. I call dibs on THAT travel guide, bizzatches! //

UPDATE the First: Just got a hit from Sweden!! So Hej, my Swedish Pageviewer! Där är öl? (I think.)


  1. I just read all your blogs this late late night. Loved them all! Keep it up!...Joy

  2. Thanks!! I appreciate your feedback. And that you took the time to read this. (Unlike SOME people...LIMEY.) :)